Three straight Sweet Sixteens. One Elite Eight appearance. A top-15 recruiting class. What could’ve gone wrong?
Well, a lot, apparently. Sitting at 10-7, Marquette has downright failed to live up to expectations this season. Whether it’s due to the team itself or that, as a spoiled fanbase, we may have set the bar a little high, there’s undoubtedly enough talent on this team to have gotten at least one quality win through seventeen games (and no, George Washington and Seton Hall are not quality wins). This unmeasurable amount of disappointment has increased the bar tabs of Marquette fans night after night, and, if you read Twitter, you can really tell it’s starting to take a toll on us mentally. With each and every loss, more arguments break out between fans, more sly comments are made, less trust is put in Buzz, and so on. Fans are starting to take vastly different stances on the never-ending list of debatable topics about this team. We liken it to politics, or almost a second Civil War. So, we organized all the crazy and not-so-crazy opinions of the diverse #mubb fanhood, and categorized them into political parties. We also included a theme song or video to go along with their particular mindset. You can always count on us for these things. Enjoy!
Rules: Each party will have a name, a totally-not-made-up statement of their case, and a theme song/video. Then we will estimate their party’s population and assess their beliefs.
The No Hope Party
- Statement of Case: “I mean, just look at yourselves. Scrapping together useless stats, hanging on to every meaningless bright spot and whatnot. You’re even starting to consider George Washington as a quality win. George Washington! Save yourself the TV bill and let’s get some drinks, kid. There’s no way we’re making the tourney.”
- Theme song: “Dream On” by Aerosmith. The lyrics say it all in this one: “The past is gone” = Vander is gone. The improbably Elite Eight run is history. “Everybody’s got their dues to pay” = Players have to be held accountable for this mess. “You gotta lose to know how to win” = …wait. Is this optimism?!?
- A second theme song for the No Hope Party is “Wrecking Ball” by Miley Cyrus. No way am I ever putting that video here. EVER.
- Estimated Twitter population: Around 55% of MU fans admit their allegiance to the No Hope Party. The other 45% are secretly drawing closer and closer to their beliefs with every loss.
- Our assessment: It’s one of those mindsets that doesn’t account for hope whatsoever. However, I think we could all agree that, while Marquette has an opportunity to still make it to the dance, it’s becoming more unrealistic with each passing moment. Trying not to agree.
The #FreeJJJ/#Free_______ Party
- Statement of Case: “No, Jajuan Johnson isn’t in real jail. He’s in metaphorical jail – otherwise known as the Marquette bench. He’s notoriously known to play well when given the opportunity, which the same can be said for Deonte Burton, the freshman version of Steve Taylor, the current version of Todd Mayo (although his case is more relative to the starting job) and, when looking at the Xavier game, John Dawson. Hell, even throw Jameel McKay and Duane Wilson in here. Where have they been all year? #FreeEveryone and #JailDerrickWilson maybe we’ll win a few games!!!!!!”
- Theme song: “Have You Ever Wanted Someone So Bad?” by Def Leppard – Just look at the song title. Do I even need to explain the heartbreak we’ve been going through!??! PLAY JAJUAN ALREADY!!!!!!!!!!
- Estimated Twitter population: Approximately 90% of Marquette fans. It’s getting harder to find reasons to not play JJJ, or to not release any of the aforementioned “jailed” players.
- Our Assessment: As for us, we would indeed like to #FreeJajuanJohnson, get Todd Mayo into the starting lineup and see a bit more of John Dawson off the bench. Keep Derrick Wilson as the starter, but yes to everything else. Agreed.
The Overly Optimistic Party
- Statement of Case: “Guys!!1!1! Calm the #$&@ down we can do this!! Alright, listen: we’re 10-7. Heading into the tourney last year, we were 23-8. If we just beat Butler twice, Georgetown twice, Nova twice, Creighton and Xavier each once, win the Big East tourney… um. Well how ’bout we just never lose? We can do that, right?? Just look at how we came back last year! This is like, the same team!! …right?”
- Theme video: The “Anything’s Possible” interview with Kevin Garnett after the Celtics won the title in 2008. Skip to 0:20 and end at 0:26 if you’re not a fan of KG going into 2 minutes of post-championship meth-mode. I’d label it as the fanbase mindset of the second half of last season. Members of the Overly Optimistic Party tend to not let the 2013 Elite Eight Euphoria simply pass on – and taking into account of what’s happened this season, it’s hard to blame them for doing so.
- ANYTHINNNNG’S POSSIBBBLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLE!!!!! (Kind of).
- Estimated Twitter population: I’d say 12%. They’re a dying breed.
- Our Assessment: Being optimistic is fun, but we have this strange feeling it’ll all just be disappointing in the end. We wish the Optimists the best, but we currently hold different views. Sorry, guys.
The “What is Buzz Doing!?!?!?” Party
- Statement of Case: “Buzz started ________? WHAT IS HE DOING!?!?” – “Buzz did ________!?!?!?!?? WHY!?!?!?”
- Theme video: Homer Simpson in “I don’t get it.” As for an MU comparison, just picture it as a “What Is Buzz Doing” Party member flipping through all the lineups this season, and just insert the dialogue from there.
- Estimated Twitter Population: About 40% of fans are open about their membership to this party. Many Loyalists (look below) have at times questioned the coaching of this team this season, but don’t throw all the blame on Buzz himself (rightfully so).
- Our Assessment: It’s hard to take frustrations out on Buzz. We all respect him and know that he’s trying everything (and more) in his willpower to right the ship. As fans, we simply don’t see everything he does – such as practices, quality of leadership, how well the players understand the system, and other off-court stuff. However, it’s clear that there has been a lack of execution at the end of games, and it’s up to the coach to ingratiate preparedness into the minds of the players. We know he’s trying extremely hard, but that aspect of the game just hasn’t been there yet. Mostly disagree with party’s beliefs. However, agree that in regards to some topics, some questioning deserves to be present.
The Loyal, Cautiously-Optimistic Party
- Statement of Case: “Always been a Marquette fan, always will. The team and coach deserve to be called out in some areas, but in the end, there’s a reason why I’m watching from my couch and they’re the ones on the court. There are a lot of ways this team can be fixed, but it probably either won’t happen or it won’t produce season-changing results. Say, we’ve strung together a few stellar recruiting classes, and this team doesn’t look like they’re going anywhere – so let’s hang in there for the sake of hoping for better times. And hey, we’ve got fourteen games left this season – who knows what could happen?”
- Theme video: “Revolution” by The Beatles. Really, could there be a better fit? “You say you got a real solution – well you know, we’d all want to see the plan… Don’t you know it’s gonna be alright?” Don’t tell me that’s not a perfect theme for this season. It’s all about looking at the reality of things while “going against the grain,” if you will – but with an optimistic twist at the end. Things may not “be alright” this year, but there’s no denying that we’ve got a bright future. Hang in there, kids. Everything’s gonna be alright.
- Estimated Twitter Population: We hope it’s everyone.
- Our Assessment: It may be looking slightly towards the negative side of things, but unfortunately it’s reality. In our humble opinion, we kindly ask you to be this guy.
Choose wisely. And while you’re at it, please don’t take this article seriously.
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