We’re going to try something new here in which I open fake reader emails and answer their burning (and also fake) questions. If you actually want to ask a question, however, leave a comment below the article or tweet a screenshot of it (140 characters is never enough to include humorous references!) and tag us. You could technically send us an email too, but you’re more likely to win the lottery twice than have us find it in the middle of our endless spam notifications. Again, these questions weren’t asked by real people. By doing this we’re setting the tone for future mailbags.
So, uhhh, how are those player reviews coming along? It’s been over three months and we still haven’t touched the senior class. If Mark Strotman’s the Shakespeare of journalism, then you’re probably the Garfield of WordPress blogs.
First off, all comparisons involving the Marquette Nation editor start and finish with Bill Simmons, the epitome of successful disorganization. And shush, I only have five left. So with roughly 140 days until the season, that means I can push these off about another… just kidding. Sit pretty, fellow ‘quette fanatic.
(Also, I’m proposing that us fans use “quette” more as a slang reference to our beloved university. But it would only be usable if you’re, like, within five years of graduating, give or take a couple years. I can’t imagine a veteran alumni ever referring to us as “quette” at the office water cooler without getting annihilated in the gossipy minds of his coworkers.)
I’m happy and all that we got Levin, but THAT STILL DOESN’T SOLVE THE PROBLEM THAT STEVE TAYLOR IS OUR FIRST SEMESTER RIM PROTECTOR FOR NEXT SEASON?!
Correct, Levin won’t be eligible until the 2015-2016 season, much to the dismay of both you and myself. But let’s move on from our newest transfer to address the Taylor situation. I’m not afraid of how STJ will fare on the offensive end, as I believe he’ll return to the efficient post player he was during his freshman year. It’s the defensive side of the ball that I’m absolutely terrified about. After observing him during his rare appearances on the court last year, he fared about as well as a one-legged dog when moving laterally and destroyed countless defensive possessions with missed assignments. Statistics don’t do him any good either, as he’s tallied TWO blocked shots in the same amount of seasons at Marquette. He doesn’t steal the rock often either, as he’s only had 20 swipes during that same time frame. If Taylor doesn’t drastically improve his defensive awareness and quickness, teams will absolutely toy with us through pounding the paint and perimeter kick outs, causing fans to desperately flip through the NCAA rulebook in an attempt to grant Chris Otule another year of eligibility.
Awww, Steve, we didn’t mean it, we swear!
Sooo, since Taylor has the potential to be a liability, what could (or should) we do to fix that?
Absolutely nothing! No, really, it’s the right call for this desperate situation. In this article, Mike Hunt lists two 2014 recruits who could potentially commit to alleviate our lack of size. However, one, Jakeem Yates, is a one-star project, and the other, Legend Robertin, a 7’0, four-star prospect, has academic issues that would make the administration hurl (which is why, of course, he received a scholarship offer from former head coach Buzz Williams!). As Coach Wojo has underlined throughout the entire recruiting process, it wouldn’t be smart to add bodies for four years just to increase size for one semester, which is why I would be very surprised if we add an eligible player before the season starts.
Okay, then fast forward six and a half months. Steve Taylor has been a perfect ten on the disappointment scale, a score previously achieved only by Jamil Wilson. Luke Fischer is now eligible, causing a glimmer of hope to appear in every delusional Marquette fan’s eyes. Can or will Fischer really be the answer to our size issues? I mean, he IS 6’11, but have you seen his stats from Indiana? How can we know what kind of player he’s going to be?
Let’s go over those stats, shall we?
First off, a disclaimer: He was sort of injured and, obviously, not getting enough playing time to reach stats of any higher amount. We can, however, still use these stats to determine the type of player Luke Fischer can be for us. Analyzing the bare negatives and positives, we can see that he will provide a good amount (but not top-scorer amount) of points and either an equal or slightly less amount of rebounds to back it up. He shoots efficiently from both the field and free throw line, and considering he nearly averaged a block per game while only averaging 10 minutes, it’s clear that his shot blocking ability is one of his best assets. So, in conclusion…
…Fischer, being a proven shot-blocker, an efficient scorer, and of course, 6’11”, will be able to clean up the mess if Taylor spills the milk, especially if he does so on the defensive end.
Now that I think of it, Taylor (offense) and Fischer (defense) would make for a terrifying duo in the paint… Is this the next OxTule? Would that make them Tischer or Faylor? Stuke? Leve? God, we’re making no progress here.
WILL JUAN ANDERSON FINALLY MAKE THE JUMP!?
GOD HELP THIS MAN!!
…But in all honesty, he’s been working insanely hard and will be relied on more than ever next year, and… OH GOD I’M FALLING INTO THE TRAP, JUST EXPECT NOTHING FROM HIM AND EVERYTHING WILL BE OKAY!
…But honestly, what happened to THAT guy!?
Hey, the NBA Draft is coming up! Any chance someone from last year’s team gets their name called?
God, I hope not. Bless any GM who decides Jamil Wilson can contribute at a professional level.
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